Blogging and Such

I have been thinking about blogging for a while now. Mostly because in my mind it is a cheat way to have some record of my life for my children because I never have time to scrapbook. I have always had these aspirations to journal and chronicle every detail of our life. I envision one day sitting down curled up with a blanket with my children and grandchildren looking through all of the time consuming, painstakingly detailed accounts of every memorable quote and outing. Reality check. And while I write this I am thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it take just as much time doing it then taking the time to blog?" There is something about speaking to the masses about what everyone else is already thinking that is terribly satisfying (even though I get too ADD to sit through and read front to back my kids newsletter because I am always frazzled with time, I always say I will read it later when I have some. I never make it, I get what's left over which most of the time is is the middle of the week. And even then I feel guilty because I haven't read it so, now I do because I am a bad Mother.)

I often find myself searching on the web for certain recipes or project help, and come across blogs of my fellow colleague Mommies. I do get annoyed sometimes at how picture "Family Fun" perfect their lives seem to be. Am I really the only one who still hasn't scrapbooked their second child photos (which by the way I SWORE I would NEVER do). Don't even get me started on how they have entire organizational systems for storing these articles for a very short term time. How can I keep up when I feel like I can't hardly get my girls artwork and pictures downstairs into the craft room before they graduate. And you want me to find the time to label and file boxes to just later chronicle in the somewhat same fashion again?

And please do not get me started on Pinterest. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But, it is just one more social networking/mommy duty/homemaker thing that I feel like I have to do.

So really, I am on a mission with this blogging thing, to find out what is realistic, as a reasonable human being when it comes to things like this. Trying to find a good balance on all of the things that we as mothers, wives and women feel that we HAVE to do. Why we feel the need to measure ourselves up to other women, society, parenting magazines, etc. and how we should be or what we should do or, how we should feel for that matter. If I were this woman I would never sleep! I usually just find myself feeling frustrated and discouraged with it all that I don't do anything.

My biggest struggle right now is balance. Do I really need to have a business to not loose myself , to keep from loosing my identity? Is it okay for my whole world to be my family? Is this what I really want? Do I need to finish school to feel accomplished? The most important thing is raising my girls the best I can and giving them my all. Is this enough or too much? Are all of my philanthropy ventures self defeating if it is taking time away from my priorities? Should I wait to focus on these things until my children are grown? I often envy Mothers who (they are out there) don't care about such things.

These are questions that are constant in my day to day life. Am I doing this right? And to top it all off I have to find time to sit back and take it all in and enjoy these "golden years" because in a wink my girls will be gone and I will have missed it. Plus, I feel the need to relax, self reflect, journal, soul search as if  I was 16. Because this is what all the "Oprah" experts say I should be doing. I ain't got time for that.

I am caught between being a young, cool mom and, one who is intentional, consistent and involved with her children. Fighting for their right to have a childhood. The best one, with every opportunity. Running through the woods, crazy happy, childhood.

They are our world. If your like me the only reason you think these things like, not loosing yourself and having your own identity is because, you want to set that example for them. We would not want our children to think this way, would we? Is it more than just setting an example for them? Do we  need to feel that way because, it is truth? These are the questions that I am on a mission for answers for. Is it okay to not do and, take advantage of every opportunity offered us in life and day to day living. I do not have to feel guilty about missing the playdate at the library (right?).

Help me God to know that not every second of the day has to be productive. That I can sit down to play with my little girl and ENJOY it. Not because that is what you do, or how you SHOULD feel or, feel pressure to do. Because I just do.