Just Bein' Real

My heart has been heavy tonight. I just had a frustrating past couple of days where nothing seems to be working right. You know where some things are just like, "It shouldn't be this hard". UGH...

The most frustrating thing for me is when I build up in my mind expectations on things I do that don't turn out the way I imagined. I feel inadequate. I feel spent. I feel like a big fat failure.

I came home tonight after one of those days. What did me in was the American Heritage Girls meeting. It just was crazy chaos. I wonder, "Are we making a difference? Is this impacting them?".
Then I come home to my kids being a hot mess. Tired, hungry and I am stressed out.

All I want to do is run into the arms of Jesus. I just need to be at His feet and pour out my heart. This is new burden. Not about me. It is a burden of ministry which is different and new to me. I am not familiar with this. It is urgent in my spirit. I know this is the path you have given me, but I feel like it isn't working. I cannot get my kids to bed fast enough.

 I get on Facebook (why) and almost get sidetracked. No, not tonight, I am not falling into your time warp this time. Kari Jobe, take me to the throne.

Oh... I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to be in the room with Jesus when you are feeling this way. I am reminded there is NOTHING that I can do. I can not do it all. As always He leads me to stillness and affirmation. I am His and He is mine. I can do all things through Him.

I can do nothing without His leading. I forget the most important thing and get wrapped up so much in "doing" that I just need to "be". If I have this down He can work freely through me. Love the Lord with all my heart, all my soul, and all my mind. Everything will work together. Then the other, loving people, will come naturally. This is the scripture God lead me to tonight:

Psalm 32:8New Living Translation (NLT)

8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
    I will advise you and watch over you.

Yes. 

Psalm 32:9New Living Translation (NLT)

9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
    that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”

Forgive me Lord.

I will remember that this ministry is not mine. It is yours. You are always with me, guiding me, I just need to be in constant communication with you. Please allow your Spirit to draw me and take control. I surrender. I will no longer try to do things on my own. I know this. I do things I don't want to, and I don't know why. I am human and I am in a fallen world. You have lead me to this moment. To this ministry. I will not be like a mule. I will have bad days but, I will remember. You never said it would be easy. You are in control.

Psalm 33:21New Living Translation (NLT)

21 In him our hearts rejoice,
    for we trust in his holy name.

I am so crazy. Over and over I forget this. He constantly confirms this to me. How patient He is. So constant. 

Thank you for always being the Perfect Father to me. I know I will "forget" this again. Thanks in advance for reminding me.

The Way I See It...

There have been many things in the news lately that have bothered me, to the point I lay awake in bed at night. No, it is not about Ebola. I do not usually touch hot topics because, sometimes it is just a waste of time. I always think of Paul ( see Matthew 10:14). Also, some things affect people I love dearly and I don't want to go down that road again. However, what really is bothering me are not necessarily the subjects, rather the thought process that involves them. I am nervous putting this out there but, as my good friend says " You cannot trespass yourself". The reason I made this blog was to use it as my therapy, a way to sort the things out in my head. We'll see if I hit the "post" button.

The issue in Houston has really bothered me. Not because of the topic that is causing it, it is the rights that are being taken away. The problem in America and, the world for that matter, is we have allowed the government too much say in our lives. So, let me get this right, we give homosexuals rights but then take others away because they don't agree? This is absolutely wrong. You want to tell pastors to hand over sermons, make them marry people against their own personal convictions or throw them in jail.Hmm. Stalin anyone? Isn't this hypocritical on so many levels? First of all, if you are gay why would you want to go to a church or have a minister marry you if they did not feel the same way you do? Isn't this masochistic? Do we not realize that do the same thing to each other that we accuse the other side of?

The problem is what we think is "right". There is a difference between fair and just. Someone told me about an illustration they once seen. There was a line of kids standing on top of chairs. They were all the same height but, some had boxes. The little ones had more boxes. The ones that had less boxes complained about not having as many boxes under them, Had this been done, they would have been taller. Get my point?

Another is my kids, they always complain, "That is not fair!". No, sometimes it isn't. Sometimes one of them wants a dessert because everyone else does. Well, she would get one had she ate any of her dinner. I heard one time of a mother got tired of this too.She had her kids make a cake. they all got to put in the equal amounts of ingredients because, that was what was "fair". You can guess how the cake turned out.

The movie, The Incredibles, is also a good illustration. Dash, is a fast runner because he is a superhero. His parents do not let him use his talent when he races in school because it would not be "fair". So what? We all have different talents and beliefs we are not all the same, Thank God for it. We all should have the freedom to be able to use those talents and express ourselves without "offending" someone. I teach this to my children. I want them to learn how to deal with opposition, adversity and failure.I cannot stand the sense of entitlement in this society. People will not agree with you, someone else will be better then you sometimes. That doesn't take away from the fact that you have many other things to offer. You can still show integrity in opposition. You can still love people when you disagree, right where they are.

The little town I live in is having a similar problem. They want to take down the nativity and cross placed on city property that has been there for years at certain times of they year. A group would like them to stop it or allow them to put up atheist symbols and the gay flag at certain times of the year. Fine! I say let them do it. As long as everyone is given the right to celebrate their freedom, what is the problem? Why would Houston take such a drastic un-civilized approach? Look, put up your flag. It will not bother me to the point that I have to riot. I am secure in my faith and confident in who I am. I have a problem when you force your beliefs upon me, yes. Don't take away my rights to live the way I want. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord(Joshua 24:15).We would love for you to join us but, He won't make you. If you don't He loves you and we love you anyway. God gave us free will and He is not a master manipulator either (see Genesis 2:17). He didn't put up an electric fence around the tree, He didn't even hide it.

From a Christian perspective, I think the reason the "church" has been so quiet before about issues like this is, we do have such a strong Faith and we know that our fight is not of flesh and bone (see Ephesians 6:12). We take everything to God in prayer (Phillipians 4:6) which is most important, however, the Bible says "Faith without works is dead"(James 2:17). We are secure in God and we trust Him, I know that is why I do not waste my time worrying about this"stuff" and I let Him handle it in prayer. My dearies, she (the church) is awake and she is roaring now. The Bible says that, "there is a time for everything" though (Eccl.3). It is time to not be silent and stand for what is just.

 This is why I am so upset about the situation in Houston .If you don't like it don't go to their churches. If you believe in pro-choice fine, Don't make a doctor who doesn't, loose his license because it goes against his personal belief system. Find someone who will. Let's quit bullying each other into making everyone see eye to eye. It will not happen. It's called diversity. What would it be like if we were all robots and agreed on everything? Isn't this like relationship 101? I thought we learned that in Preschool.

Canning and Grandma

I have been thinking about my Grandma a lot lately because I am canning. My girls and I went to the Farmer's Market and I bought *sigh* a bushel of tomatoes. I was not going to can this year because we moved and downsized. All my canning stuff is in storage. But, I knew that if I didn't I would regret it. So alas, we bought the bushel of seconds at $12! (that was why my mind was changed as well, $12?!) It was Saturday that I bought them, it was a beautiful September day. Warm and sunny with the hint of Fall in the air.

 I remember Grandma talking about how she loved this kind of weather. It made her think of when her kids would be in school and she could do all the things she loved without interruption. Like putting quilt tops together and canning. My Grandma always would wear some sort of a cotton or denim button down shirt in the Summer. I remember seeing tomato stains and seeds on the hem. Her crooked hands as she packed peaches into cans. These are the little things that I remember and hold dear to my heart. I have become more and more like her the older I get. I have found my share of denim button down shirts. I make a mess too when I can. I follow her suit and plan mopping my floors around my canning schedule. I find myself enjoying the weather right now and doing my hobbies while my girls are in school.

 

I love doing the things she taught me and when I do I feel "home" wherever I am at. Now this little place that we call home really feels like "home". I have tomato spilled on my floor and jars all over my house. I love the warm feeling of tomatoes simmering on the stove with steam on the windows. Taking the lid off the pot with the aroma takes me back to her kitchen as a little girl.

Grandma always preferred the wide mouth jars. I'm not really sure why. I guess I do not have a preference. I have both, all were hers of course. I had to buy both today, knowing I was going to run into more of those than regular mouth. I also found a new product by Ball. Lids for jars to make drinking cups with straws. Yes please! I use Ball jars in my house as drinking glasses anyway. Come to think of it they are all wide mouth.=)

 Grandma's vintage jar grabber=)