Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

So, I have been thinking a lot about Christmas and what it means to my children. This year I have gotten just about nauseated by the commercialization of it. Then I go down into the play room and see all of the toys that they don't really play with.

I heard one time that a mom only allowed her kids three presents. when they asked why she said, "Jesus only got three, you think your better than Him?". So I am adopting this idea. Of course, they get one gift from Santa and their stockings =). However, I think that is enough. It is not about how much or what they get. I am DONE with it all. I would much rather spend my time and money on teaching my girls to give of our money and time to people who are much less fortunate then we are. I would rather bake cookies, watch Hallmark, and make funky macaroni ornaments with them. And, you know what, it is FREEING! I cannot tell you how much of a stress relief it is! I am not worried about how much I am spending, how to make it stretch, or is it "enough"? (rolls eyes)

I feel like I can enjoy the holidays and spend more of my resources doing it. So with all that money not being spent on silly things, we can send money to our World Vision child to have a Christmas that she has never known. Make cookies for our neighbors. Carol at the nursing home. Volunteer at the food truck. Hey, maybe even go on that Santa Train that we never want to spend the money on because, it could be used on presents. Making memories and enjoying the season without my mind and energy somewhere else. You know what, the more you talk about it with your kids ( the younger they are helps too), they will get it. My girls and I have talked about it and they are so okay with it. It is not a big deal to them because, they would rather drink cocoa and play board games anyway.

What do you think? Are you tired of dreading Christmas? Are you sick of  all the nonsense? I dare you to take the three present challenge.=)

Life Without Hubby

Ok, so my husband is working out of town for the next month only coming home for like a day. Now I am so thankful (not that I wasn't) for him. My car didn't start from a dead battery the morning he left. My dryer almost started on fire two days later. Please that is a whole 'notha blog. Then my brake line broke on my car while I was driving it. I felt like there where extreme forces at work here. The only thing I can think of is that God was allowing these things to happen for a reason. If anything at all it was to appreciate him more.

I am not one of these women who like being in the same category as a man. Not that I am below him or above him. Just different. I was not created to bear all of this on my own. Neither is he. We are a team. I believe no more than he wants to be the one to deal with the three drama queens of the house by himself.

I think women who have to parent alone are heroes. Kudos to you my girls because, I cannot imagine. My kids are beautiful and I love them but, they are a handful. Sometimes I need a break. Sometimes it's nice to have someone else pick up the slack. We were not meant to handle life alone. God Himself wanted to have a relationship with humanity. Same for the men who do it on there own. Sometimes guys just can't handle things the way a woman can. This is OK. Boys and girls are different and I think that we need to stop trying to put them in the same box. Instinctively genders have their own tendencies. Now please, do not misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with a little boy loving on a baby doll or crying. A girl can (and my daughters will) change her own tire if she has too. There is a balance. I think if given the choice, a girl would rather(with some exception) have a man around to do all of these things, just like a guy would probably rather not go shopping for window treatments. I may be coming across as old fashioned, my point is that if a girl doesn't want to have to change the oil in her car it doesn't mean that she is not a strong woman or intellectually beneath a man. Our bodies are different, we are wired different and we problem solve differently.

So my point is, just because I miss my husband when he is gone, because sometimes I get scared to be alone, doesn't make me any lesser of a woman.

Blogging and Such

I have been thinking about blogging for a while now. Mostly because in my mind it is a cheat way to have some record of my life for my children because I never have time to scrapbook. I have always had these aspirations to journal and chronicle every detail of our life. I envision one day sitting down curled up with a blanket with my children and grandchildren looking through all of the time consuming, painstakingly detailed accounts of every memorable quote and outing. Reality check. And while I write this I am thinking to myself, "Wouldn't it take just as much time doing it then taking the time to blog?" There is something about speaking to the masses about what everyone else is already thinking that is terribly satisfying (even though I get too ADD to sit through and read front to back my kids newsletter because I am always frazzled with time, I always say I will read it later when I have some. I never make it, I get what's left over which most of the time is is the middle of the week. And even then I feel guilty because I haven't read it so, now I do because I am a bad Mother.)

I often find myself searching on the web for certain recipes or project help, and come across blogs of my fellow colleague Mommies. I do get annoyed sometimes at how picture "Family Fun" perfect their lives seem to be. Am I really the only one who still hasn't scrapbooked their second child photos (which by the way I SWORE I would NEVER do). Don't even get me started on how they have entire organizational systems for storing these articles for a very short term time. How can I keep up when I feel like I can't hardly get my girls artwork and pictures downstairs into the craft room before they graduate. And you want me to find the time to label and file boxes to just later chronicle in the somewhat same fashion again?

And please do not get me started on Pinterest. Don't get me wrong, I love it. But, it is just one more social networking/mommy duty/homemaker thing that I feel like I have to do.

So really, I am on a mission with this blogging thing, to find out what is realistic, as a reasonable human being when it comes to things like this. Trying to find a good balance on all of the things that we as mothers, wives and women feel that we HAVE to do. Why we feel the need to measure ourselves up to other women, society, parenting magazines, etc. and how we should be or what we should do or, how we should feel for that matter. If I were this woman I would never sleep! I usually just find myself feeling frustrated and discouraged with it all that I don't do anything.

My biggest struggle right now is balance. Do I really need to have a business to not loose myself , to keep from loosing my identity? Is it okay for my whole world to be my family? Is this what I really want? Do I need to finish school to feel accomplished? The most important thing is raising my girls the best I can and giving them my all. Is this enough or too much? Are all of my philanthropy ventures self defeating if it is taking time away from my priorities? Should I wait to focus on these things until my children are grown? I often envy Mothers who (they are out there) don't care about such things.

These are questions that are constant in my day to day life. Am I doing this right? And to top it all off I have to find time to sit back and take it all in and enjoy these "golden years" because in a wink my girls will be gone and I will have missed it. Plus, I feel the need to relax, self reflect, journal, soul search as if  I was 16. Because this is what all the "Oprah" experts say I should be doing. I ain't got time for that.

I am caught between being a young, cool mom and, one who is intentional, consistent and involved with her children. Fighting for their right to have a childhood. The best one, with every opportunity. Running through the woods, crazy happy, childhood.

They are our world. If your like me the only reason you think these things like, not loosing yourself and having your own identity is because, you want to set that example for them. We would not want our children to think this way, would we? Is it more than just setting an example for them? Do we  need to feel that way because, it is truth? These are the questions that I am on a mission for answers for. Is it okay to not do and, take advantage of every opportunity offered us in life and day to day living. I do not have to feel guilty about missing the playdate at the library (right?).

Help me God to know that not every second of the day has to be productive. That I can sit down to play with my little girl and ENJOY it. Not because that is what you do, or how you SHOULD feel or, feel pressure to do. Because I just do.